GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
