she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
