Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
