I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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