8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
