Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
