you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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