Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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