All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
