A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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