im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Randomize
