how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
