I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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