I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
