Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Randomize
