I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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