The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Randomize
