I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize
