my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
