New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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