we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
