one two three fourrrrnication!
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
