I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
