its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
