Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
