we're chasing vodka with high fives
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
