do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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