I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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