I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
