your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
