My room smells like vodka and shame
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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