well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
