Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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