by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Randomize
