I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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