I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
