they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Randomize
