If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
