you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
