this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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