happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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