onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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