you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
