could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
