I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
