We're facebook friends in real life
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Randomize
