The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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