i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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