$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
