the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
