I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
